


The Legend is True

by PineappleMystery



Category: Paranatural (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen, The Aquabats!, slight shipping but not enough to really tag, this is very self indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2018-07-24 02:18:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7489479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PineappleMystery/pseuds/PineappleMystery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That one fic where all the characters love your favorite band except that one character and then they all try to convert them with sing-a-longs</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Thing on the Bass Amp

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1: The Thing on the Bass Amp, or how Max was not so subtly introduced to The Aquabats! by the Activity Club
> 
> ha ha yeah this is the first fanfiction i ever wrote lmao

It was a sweltering Thursday afternoon in September when Max had his first encounter with what he would soon consider to be the stupidest thing he had ever encountered. Against all logic the first floor of the school building felt like a volcano, and it seemed like the only air conditioners that actually worked were on the second floor. Sweat had made him almost drop his bat several times throughout his patrol of the school. Max instantly withdrew all of his complaints about having to walk up the stairs to the club room everyday as the cold air hit his skin at the top step. The afternoon patrol was uneventful, and he was looking forward to getting his stuff and going home.

Also eating and/or bathing in all the popsicles he could find while his dad wasn’t looking.

As soon as he opened the door to the club room his ears were assaulted by what could only be described as the most intense horn section in a 90s battle of the bands concert he had ever had the unpleasant opportunity of attending. And the music wasn’t even the worst part, as loud as it was. Ed, Isabel, and heck even angsty teen Isaac O’Conner were jumping around the room and over the couch, screeching at the top of their lungs. It reminded Max of that banshee spirit they had killed last month; he hadn’t been able to hear right for days.

And there was Mr. Spender, seated calmly at his desk grading papers like the surreal chaos surrounding him was somehow _normal_. Well, what constituted as normal for them, anyway.

It was only a few seconds of him standing dumbfounded in the doorway before Ed caught sight of confused boy and somersaulted over the coffee table towards him.

“MAX! THERE YOU ARE!” he shouted to be heard over the deafening canopy of voices and instruments coming from who-knows-where. “WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? WAS THERE TROUBLE?”

Suddenly the music, and Isaac’s and Isabel’s horrific accompaniment, stopped. Mr. Spender was standing near the bookshelf with his hand on top of what looked like a small purple boombox, the apparent source of the audial assault. “I sure hope there wasn’t. How did it go?” he asked.

“Um.” Max’s ears were still ringing. “Nothing happened.”

“Ah, good. Well there wasn’t anything else I wanted you all to do today, so I guess you can go home now.” The teacher walked back around his desk and sat down, fully intent to complete his own homework for the day after dismissing them.

“Aw, c’mon Mr. Spender, can we at least finish this song first?” pleaded Isabel, puppy eyes and all. “Grandpa took my and Ed’s CD player when we were late for training last week, and I still can’t find my mp3 player anywhere!”

“Yeah Mr. Spender, pleeeeeeeeeease?” begged Ed, fake tears and all. Isaac joining them in asking to stay and listen to the music lent a small smile to the advisor’s face. Mr. Spender liked to see the kids getting along without a deadly situation to unite them, as was the usual.

“Wellllllll….” hummed the teacher, contemplation scrunching up his features. Max knew it was only a matter of time before he gave in and the bizarre nightmare he found himself in would begin anew. Quickly he scrambled to grab his backpack and bat before the others noticed him leaving.

“What do you think Max? One more song?” The unexpected attention froze Max in his hunched position under the coffee table, in the middle of trying to pull his backpack free. How his backpack got squeezed into the tiny space appalled him, but he had a feeling it was due to the enthusiastic moshing of the other spectrals in the room. The man’s smile, along with the other’s cheering, predicted a yes to the spoken question. Max was doomed, sentenced to this terrible fate without so much as a trial.

“Ha ha, yeah sure why not,” he nervously mumbled out, looking left and right to find the best exit for this situation.

“WOOOOOOOOO!” Ed and Isabel cheered together as the song restarted, courtesy of Isaac and his mad air-jumping skills. Max considered everything about the club mad as they willingly put themselves through this misery, and enjoyed it so much too! As the horrible attempts at dancing and singing reached their peak Max sneaked out of the door, questioning what he did to deserve to be traumatized as he had been by this town and it’s strange residents.


	2. Pizza Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2: Pizza Day, or how the entire student body of Mayview middle school loved Friday lunches a little too much

There was a buzzing in the student body that morning, a pent up excitement growing more and more each passing minute that made kids ignore lectures and lessons in favor of watching the clock tick down the seconds to some inevitable event that, ever the curious one, Maxwell Puckett was dying to ask about. With how crazy life in Mayview was, literally anything could be the cause for the student’s excitement that day. As curious as he was, the new kid had enough experience of the school to know not to ask, and hopefully avoid whatever wacky thing the other kids were excited about. Max was still reeling from his clubmates horrendous musical number the day before.

Unfortunately the answer to his silent queries was revealed sooner than he expected as he entered the lunchroom that afternoon. Preteens stampeded into the lunchroom, almost pushing each other to be first in the lunch lines and at the tables. Ever the loveable duo Jeff and Cody appeared on either side of the startled spectral and herded him inside the lunchroom.

“Hey Max! Are you gonna sit with us today?” excitedly asked Jeff.

“Oh, uh, yeah man why not, I was probably gonna do that anyway.”

“Ha ha, yeah! This boosts my already fragile self-esteem!” Jeff practically pranced to the end of the lunch line on the far side of the cafeteria.

“Uh,” Max mumbled. Either Cody or the other kids didn’t seemed to find anything worrying about Jeff’s statement, or Max was just hearing things. And since yesterday’s after school club meeting had nearly left him deaf, it was probably the latter. Quickly seating himself at the lunch table with his other seventh grade friends left him no time to worry about the state of his hearing. He had to find that can opener he stashed in his backpack on Wednesday. Man, was he looking forward to eating lunch, even though it was mostly canned soup from the shop. Even with more time to get to school in the mornings the frequent late night ghost busting and then ghost babysitting made Max miss the bus on more than one occasion. In his hurry he packed a lunch with whatever was closest to the door on his way out. It was usually soup.

“Aha!,” he said when he finally found the can opener. He triumphantly turned to show his friends his new prized possession.

They weren’t there.

Then he noticed the dancing.

The entire cafeteria was alive with movement, and as Max became aware, singing. Complex, and it just had to be rehearsed, choreography filled the lunch room like some kind of campy middle school musical. At least that’s what Max would have thought if he wasn’t using all his RAM to process what he was seeing. Cody and Jeff, standing on the table next to Max, were swinging pizza slices in arches over the other kids’  heads. He could see Violet and Lisa pounding on the table below the two boys, chanting along with the other kids. Something about the sound was familiar to him, but he couldn’t place the words or melody to anything he knew. It ended as soon as it began when several teachers and lunch ladies monotonously yelled at the students to stop. The kids casually took their seats, laughing and joking with each other.

“Whatcha got there Max?” asked Ed from beside him.

The self-proclaimed cynic fell out of his seat in shock. “AH! What the HECK dude? Where did you come from and _what the flip just happened_?!”

Ed shrugged, “It’s Friday dude.”

“Yeah, that totally answers all of my questions.” deadpanned Max. Meanwhile the other kids at the table were happily consuming their lunches, as if nothing of interest had happened. “Seriously. That was really, _really_ weird, even for this town. What was that?”

Cody spoke up from his half eaten pizza slice. “Every Friday they serve pizza for lunch. A few years ago a bunch of eighth graders, for the end of the year prank, played a song on the school’s PA and danced around the cafeteria.”

“It was total anarchy,” cut in Violet from across Max, “the administration couldn’t shut it off for like thirty minutes, and by then the whole lunchroom was chaos!”

“And what does that have to do with friday pizza?” cautiously asked Max, his own meal of canned soup forgotten. His hunger for food replaced with a hunger for answers, as it often was recently to his dislike.

“The song they played was Pizza Day, by The Aquabats!.”  Lisa sipped her tea next to Violet. “It’s a school tradition now to sing it every friday.”

“Oh.” Ed giggled at Max’s disbelieving expression. This school was a lot crazier than he had accepted it to be. “So every friday the whole place becomes a scene in a terrible tv musical about public school pizza. And I didn’t think I’d like it here,” snarked the spectral in his best angry sarcastic voice.

“Cheer up Max!” mumbled Ed around his mouthful of pizza, “it could be worse.”

“It ‘could be’? Oh god,” dreaded Max.

“Yeah, we could be singing along to The Sandfleas!” The whole table erupted in laughter, Jeff accidentally flinging his lunch across the room to nobody’s notice. With head in hands Max wished for more than anything to never, ever, hear about that batty band again. He’d eat lunch in Mr. Spender’s office every day if he had too. With that final thought be picked up his can opener and a can of chicken noodle soup.


	3. Hey Homies!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3: Hey Homies!, or how Max inadvertently avoided being beat up by sarcastically asking for a hug instead of a knuckle sandwich
> 
> ha ha yeah this one is longer than the first two. it kind of got away from me a bit and well i may have added some light bullymagnet but its like only if you squint really hard? 
> 
> anyways enjoy this monstrosity

It was a nice day outside.

At least, it _was_ a nice day outside, if he hadn’t been running for his life from local bully and general menace to society, Johnny Jhonny and his gang of middle school ner-do-wells. Max had no idea why he was being chased this time by the crazy redhead, and since Johnny broke his scooter the last time they tousled, which was weeks ago (really, he thought they were past this!), he had no choice but to dodge and weave through the almost empty hallways of the school in order to lose his relentless pursuers before venturing home.

“First you attacked me with tomato soup, and now with tomato sauce?! I thought we was square you _scoundrel_!” Shouted Johnny.

“What?! I didn’t do anything! _You’re_ the scoundrel!” Max fired back. He was starting to get out of breath from running, but these guys just wouldn’t quit chasing him.

“You threw pizza! At my face! During lunch!” Johnny panted behind him. Well at least they were as tired as he was; maybe they’d collapse from a heart attack or something and finally _leave him alone_.

“I didn’t even HAVE pizza today you jerk, check yo’ facts.” Max raced up the stairs to the second floor; hopefully he could slide into the activity club room and use Mr. Spender as a distraction to allow him time to escape. It was a dirty move involving a teacher, but he didn’t care. A weekend of free of crazy spirit antics and bullies was calling to him, and it was so close. He was _so close_ to a normal, non-life threatening weekend that he could almost taste it, and boy would it be _delicious_. He flipped over the railing of the last few steps and raced down the hallway to the club room, panting heavily. Thundering footsteps followed him up the stairs as the four bullies raced to catch up to him.

“Get back here punk! You’re circus tricks won’t save you this time!” Stephen angrily yelled. The gang was right behind him. Unless something short of a miracle happened in the next minute, he would be caught for sure, and then beaten to a pulp for something he didn’t even do. Max prayed for something convenient to come save him at that moment, anything, even a deadly horrible monster spirit attack-

“HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE!”

Well, thought Max, thank goodness it wasn’t the monster.

A teacher emerged from a room down the hall, a stern expression and clipboard in hand. The boys (and RJ) all stopped on command, desperately trying to think of excuses for running down the halls after hours that wouldn’t land them in detention.

“Mr. Barry! We was just-” started Ollie.

Mr. Barry raised his hand, stopping the boy in his tracks. “Ollie, I think I know what’s going on here, and I can’t say I like it. You, RJ, Stephen, and Johnny have a reputation amongst the faculty, after all,” he shook his head in disappointment. “And you, you must be that new student I’ve yet to meet. I’m one of the school counselors, Mr. Barry.”

Max started at the outstretched hand, deciding at last to take it. The man did save him from a beating after all; he should be polite. “I’m Max.”

“Nice to meet you Max. Now then, Johnny, were you going to use physical violence against Max here? I thought I’d taught you other, non-violent ways to work out your differences with your peers.”

“What, like ‘talking about your feelings’?” Max intoned.

Mr. Barry seemed to brighten up at his statement, not catching the scornful inflection in his voice. “That’s exactly right Max! Would you like to try it first?”

“Uh,” he stared at the counselor, disbelief plain on his face. Did this guy seriously think a bunch of 12 year old boys (and RJ) were going to talk about their _feelings_ after chasing each other around the school with the intent of beating the snot out of each other?

Johnny stepped forward. “We was just playing tag Mr. Barry, honest!” The redhead smacked Max on the shoulder in a show of good natured camaraderie, but still hard enough for him to know that as soon as the teacher was out of sight, the chase was on again. “My good friend Max here was showing us his moves. Ain’t that right, pal?” The hand digging into his shoulder gripped harder, a warning to play along, _or else_.

“Ha ha yup we’re all pals here just us kids hanging out and having wholesome family friendly fun after school like a couple of real good friends. Yup. Absolutely no fighting or animosity going on whatsoever.” His shoulder was really starting to hurt.

Max mapped out his potential escape routes with his eyes, fingers twitching to bolt as soon as physically possible. What was once a blessing was now an inconvenience to his plan to get out of the school and Johnny’s (and gang’s) war path.

The counselor sighed. “Kids, don’t lie to me, I’ve heard it all before. Now why don’t you tell me the real issue so you can all go home? I can be here as long as it takes.” Mr. Barry crossed his arms, stern and expectant.

“Wha- but that is the truth! I swear-!”

“Don’t lie to me again Johnny, or it’s detention for all five of you.”

The bullies talked all at once to convince the counselor of their cover story, one that was being created as they talked. It was going nowhere and Max was losing his patience with the wasted time spent listening to them talk in circles.

“Can’t we just hug it out and call it a day? I kinda got places to be and would rather _not_ spend my weekend in school.” said Max sarcastically, effectively shutting the other kids up.

Mr. Barry shrugged. “Ha, I get it. You’re absolutely right Max; ‘we don’t need any thugs, just hugs’. Hmm, or at least that's how I think it goes...” The adult was quickly lost in his musings, mumbling nonsense to himself.

 _Well_ , Max thought, _at least it isn't surprising that everyone here is crazy_. _Actually, that’s probably not a good thing._ Before he could make his move and escape while the others were distracted, Mr. Barry perked up.

“Aha! I got it. It’s ‘we don’t need no thugs, unless those thugs was givin’ out hugs’. Oh, not that I’m calling you boys (and RJ) thugs, no no no.”

“What in the wh-” Max started incredulously. Two muscular arms wrapping around his shoulders stopped his outburst. He choked on his spit as they pulled him tight against another warm body, the smell old spice deodorant and burnt marshmallows assaulting his nose. “WHA-”

“Be quiet or I’ll kill you.” Johnny whispered harshly to him, before twisting his face into a semblance of a friendly smile. Max, trapped uncomfortably in his arms and face in his armpit, felt his face grow hot as he complied.

“See, Mr. Barry! We’re friends! I only give hugs to my _extra special_ _BFFies_. So can we go now?”

“BFF my as- eck!” Max’s embarrassed mumbling was cut off by a firm squeeze from Johnny. His face almost matched the color of other boy's hair, soon enough it would be a perfect match. _So help me God I’m going to kill Johnny, I don’t care what Mr. Spender says about the statistical likelihood of a 12 year old getting charged and tried for first degree homicide._

“Hmm, well I suppose so. As long as you all promise me you won’t be getting into any fights all next week. If I hear about any outbursts in class or hallway tussles I _will_ call your parents, AND suspend you. Alright?” The adults face was serious. Max knew they would promise him whatever he wanted, but as soon as his back was turned he’d get jumped. That was the unfortunate way of the world here in Mayview Middle School. This teacher was either really stupid or really hopeful.

A chorus of ‘Yes, Mr. Barry!’’s and “Yes sir!’’s rose up from the kids, as predicted. Mr. Barry seemed satisfied by their fake conviction, and no sooner had they promised did he turn to leave. After he turned the corner the five of them were alone once more.

…

……

Max was starting to sweat from Johnny and his’ combined body heat.

………

“Um.” Max said tentatively.

Johnny pushed him away so hard he stumbled and fell to the floor, immediately putting his arms up to protect his face from the inevitable flurry of punches coming his way.

Any second now.

 _Or not_ , he thought.

Risking a quick peak, Max saw Johnny standing over him with a hand out, already looking impatient that Max had not taken it and helped himself up off the floor.  

“Dude, get up.” Johnny said. Once Max was off the floor he stood awkwardly in front of the group of boys (and RJ), the earlier blush still lingering on his face.

“Right, so if you tell anyone what just happened, I’ll beat you up or whatever.” The redhead’s voice lost it’s venom halfway through his threat, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. He didn’t look Max in the eyes, and he could see a light blush on his face too.

For the whole exchange, Stephen, Ollie, and RJ were silently watching, amused to see Max and Johnny embarrassed, but also annoyed at the missed opportunity of beating Max up.

“Um, okay. I’m just going to, go home now. Bye,” he turned to leave, half expecting to hear “PSYCH” yelled from behind him and to feel a blow to his back. But neither of those things happened. Instead Johnny had turned back to his crew to plan out the rest of their Friday.

“Yo,” said RJ, “Mr. Barry was so wrong. You do need thugs to give out hugs.” they snickered.

The redhead scrambled to save face, saying the first thing that popped into his mind, as usual. “Yeah, well, thugs give out the best hugs anyways. That’s what that song was about, duh.”

“Haha, yeah. The Aquabats! are the O.G.. Can’t argue with that,” Stephen commented. Johnny and his group made their way to the stairs, Max all but forgotten.

From down the hall Max stopped, having heard their loud conversation. _Song? Wait, they don’t mean- but it’s impossible-_ then he heard it, the dreaded words he had hoped to escape encountering again today. Max hadn’t even known that he believed Johnny and his gang were above it ( _and really, those bullies being above anything at all when they prided themselves on being the lowest of the low? C’mon Max, thought you were smarter than that_ ) but here he was, frozen in an after school hallway realizing that his own personal hell was just made worse.

He escaped being beaten up because his bullies liked a song _about hugging_ , a song by the absolute worst band in the world and one that he couldn’t seem to escape from.

He wished Johnny had just punched him instead. He’d have more respect for him if he did, anyhow. Max made his way down the stairs and out of the school, more than ready to start his crazy-antics-free weekend. _At least for a few days, I won’t heard about that stupid band and their stupid songs_ , he thought happily.


	4. The Shark Fighter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4: The Shark Fighter!, or how a spirit fight causes the most epic lip syncing battle since Queen on karaoke machines
> 
> oh man havent updated this thing in awhile jeez

“CAN’T I GET JUST ONE DAY,  _ JUST ONE DAY _ WITHOUT A LIFE-THREATENING DISASTER?!” Max screamed.

The boy was clinging onto the back of a humongous spirit-shark currently rampaging through the lower forests of Mayview, desperately trying to not fall to his death or blow chunks. He wasn’t sure which would happen first. Isabel, Ed, and Isaac were distracting the beast, doing their best to keep it contained to the hidden clearing without making the monster become a full-blown grudge. 

Their Saturday picnic at the lake had turned into club work in less than twenty minutes when they saw the wounded spirit rise from the waves, a rusted anchor head lodged in its massive gills. The size of the spirit had them all gasping in fear and awe as waves splashed at their feet. But Max, who had been reaching for a soda out of the cooler Isaac had brought when the creature surfaced, was just surprised that they had made it to the lakefront without any kind of disaster in the first place.

The spirit-shark-monster-thing thrashed about, roaring in pain and anger at its attackers. Max screamed again, and clung tighter to its dorsal fin.

“Hang on Max!” yelled Isabel from below as she ran between the spirit monster’s feet. The monster turned to follow her, almost flinging Max off as he attempted to dislodge the rusted anchor trapped in its gills.

“Isaac, we could really use some help!” A boulder of a webbed foot crashed down beside her, a little too close for comfort. “ANY TIME NOW BUDDY!” 

“Just gimme one sec!” The redhead called from the outskirt of the forest clearing, Ed hovering beside him. “Ed and I had an idea!”

“WELL MAKE IT QUICK! THIS ISN’T EXACTLY LIKE THOSE BULL RIDING GAMES IN THE MALL!” Max’s attempt to magnetize the two-ton anchor head with his bat was abandoned in favor of wrapping himself around the top of the dorsal fin, clinging on for his life. The giant land-shark-spirit-monster-thing roared again and swung side to side trying to spot Isabel, hidden underneath its belly, and in the process almost bucked Max off of its back. “I THINK I’M GONNA BE SICK!”

From the edge of the battle Ed was painting shapes at Isaac’s command, until there was a giant suspiciously-boom-box-shaped rectangle right in front of the spirit. The spirit stopped rampaging in confusion of the new object, to Max’s relief, and moved closer to examine it. Isabel ran out from beneath it’s feet while it was distracted and took cover behind a tree. “Whatever you guys are gonna do, it better be good!” She called out to them. Max, nauseous and a little confused, tried to gain his bearing from the monster’s back while it was still. 

Isaac and Ed were nowhere to be seen, and with Isabel safely hidden the giant spirit’s curiosity over their disappearance made it vulnerable to a surprise attack. 

Which was exactly what Max had planned to do, if Isaac hadn’t appeared on top of the gigantic cartoon-ish boombox Ed had painted, effectively drawing the spirit shark’s attention. Before Max could magnetize the anchor and remove it while he had the chance, Isaac spoke.

“ED! NOW!” Somewhere at the back of the ridiculous painted construction was Ed, a wide excited smile on his face and beat up ipod in hand. “Let’s do this,” Ed whispered breathlessly. 

The makeshift speakers exploded into life, the spirit stumbling back in shock and roaring at the audio assault. A dance anthem pounded out of the speakers, all synthesized beats and glittery melodies. Max, thoroughly confused, questioned Isaac’s taste in music once again as the singer babbled on about being glamorous and wearing tight gold bodysuits. The spirit beast shared his sentiment.

Isaac, posed dramatically in preparation to fight, visibly deflated. “Ed! Not THAT song, the other one! Seriously we just planned this,” he face palmed. The music was switched off with a distant ‘sorry!’ from Ed. Isaac tapped his foot impatiently, glaring into the sky, apparently not at all concerned that the land-shark-spirit-monster-thing 2 feet away from him could eat him whole in the blink of an eye. It didn't do that, thankfully, as it was a polite monster and waited along with Isaac for the correct song to play so they could start their epic battle. 

And just as suddenly as the music started and then stopped, it started again, but with the correct song this time. Ed whooped and used his paintbrush to catapult himself up next to Isaac, both making ridiculous fighting poses as a harmonic choir filled the air. The monster prepared to fight back, letting out a hideous roar. Isabel let out a single delighted “YA BOI!” from the side of the battlefield, barely heard over the booming sub woofers now pounding out the anthem of the shark spirit’s demise. 

Max, much more annoyed than delighted, questioned the sanity of his clubmates latest battle plan. “What the HECK are you guy doing?!” His outburst caught the shark-spirit’s attention and it reared its mighty head back with an enraged howl. It had forgotten the spectral precariously perched on its back, and in focusing on him it was wide open to another surprise attack by Isaac and Ed.  

The boys whooped and hollered as they attacked the mighty beast, Max providing additional hollering as he tried not to fall off the spirit. Isabel quickly rejoined the fray, blasting it’s legs with spec shots. The chorus thumped from the speakers and over the clearing, all the kids singing along as they coordinated their attacks. 

As the music reached its peak, Isaac shouted out, “Isabel- I’m not kiddin’ man!- Make a rope with your spectral energy by those- SHARK FIGHTER! TOUGHEST MAN IN THE SEA!- by those trees! ED, help her!”

“Got it!” yelled Isabel, running behind the spirit monster. Ed jumped off the side of the spirit from where he was climbing up to help Max, still stuck at the top of it’s back, and ran to the opposite side of the clearing as Isabel. Together they held up a mixed color spectral energy rope, thick enough to trip the giant spirit. The spirit was beyond enraged at this point, and its form was melting and bubbling out of shape. More beady black eyes and huge razor sharp teeth appeared, the grudge process creating an even more monstrous monster out of the shark spirit. 

“Okay! Hold it tight, I’m going to push it back!” Isaac commanded.

“Wait, what?!” Max screamed. “I’ll be crushed!” He clung tighter to the leathery skin on the back of the beast.

“Just dodge it, Max!” Isaac air-jumped back onto the shaking boombox booming out the final chords of the kids’ impromptu fight anthem. He conjured a huge storm cloud behind him, focusing all his energy and training into this one final attack. 

“Hurry up before it goes full grudge!” shouted Isabel. 

“We can’t hold this forever!” strained Ed.

“Wait wait wait wait!” begged Max.

Isaac, dark clouds building behind him with each second, took a single deep breathe in- 

And exhaled with the force of a hurricane, the winds tunneling forward and then collided with the shark beast, knocking it back into the spectral rope trip Ed and Isabel were pulling taunt. With a ear splitting yelp, the spirit grudge went down. The impact shook the clearing as it went quiet, the song, and fight, over. 

Isaac jumped down to rest next to his friends, scanning the clearing for Max. “Max? You okay?”

The beast stirred, stunned but not yet defeated. As it tried to get on its webbed feet, a voice rang out to the side of it.

“I’m okay! Help me get this thing out!” he shouted. All the kids sighed in relief, Isabel laughing as they ran to join the other spectral while dodging the spirit’s flailing fins. Max was standing right under one of the spirit’s massive gills, the anchor head still firmly lodged in them. 

“Whatever we do, we have to hurry, this thing is about to become a full fledged grudge!” Ed exclaimed. 

“We got to get this thing off of it,” Max explained quickly, “I think this is why it was raging in the first place, and if we get it out then maybe it’ll stop becoming a grudge and also won’t kill us.” 

“Smart thinking Max!” Isabel praised. She then dug her feet into the dirt and focused her spectral energy into the shape of a giant hand and grabbed at the anchor, trying to lift it up. “C’mon guys!” she panted.

Ed, with Isaac’s help, jumped up on top of the gills and extended his tool into a lever of sorts and lodged it between the bottom of the anchor and the shark. Together they pushed and pulled at the anchor head, moving it slightly forward. The shark spirit turned shark grudge was flailing with all it’s might, obviously in pain. 

Max pointed his baseball bat at the rusted metal, focusing as best as he could. He was grateful that he didn’t drop his bat when he played reluctant cowboy on top of that thing. The bat vibrated and pulsed with magnetic energy, tendrils of black spectral energy seeping out of it as he pushed all of his power into moving the two-ton hunk of garbage. 

Then it shifted once, twice, and with a high pitched whine from the beast was thrust out of the spirit shark’s soft spot and was tumbling down it’s side with tremendous force. It was falling down directly at Max. He swung his arms in front of him on reflex, knowing it wouldn’t stop it but too terrified to think to do anything else. 

But then a massive gust of wind blew him back, his hat whipped off his head. The air was knocked out of him as he landed on his back, his head cushioned slightly by the soft grass now under him. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He was pretty sure that heaven wasn’t supposed to look exactly like Ed’s concerned face, which was too close to his own for comfort. Max sat up and pushed Ed away, looking around to regain his bearings. 

“Dude, are you okay? You almost got crushed!” Ed worried.

“I’m fine, thanks. Is everyone else okay?”

“Yeah, Isabel and Isaac are making sure the spirit isn’t a threat anymore.” Ed helped Max to his feet. Then he turned to the boombox construction, whisking it away and searching in the grass around where it once stood. 

He was about twenty feet away from where the anchor was sitting in the dirt. And behind that was the spirit and the rest of the club. He found his hat at the edge of the clearing and quickly rejoined the others. 

The spirit shark was much smaller now, the size of one story instead of two and looked much more friendly than it did before. It was on it’s weird webbed feet and gurgling out pleased noises at the kids, waving it’s fins. As Max joined the group Isaac turned to him. 

“Hey, are you okay? I thought I had accidentally air-blasted you out of Mayview or something,” He said, concerned.

Max shrugged. “I’m okay. Thanks for like, saving my life and everything.”

Isaac smiled at Max. Before he could say anything, the spirit they had been fighting bowed to them and smiled, which was a little upsetting considering it still had a mouth full of razor sharp teeth, and ambled back in the direction of the lake. Ed ran up to join them, handing Isaac his ipod as he did so.

“Well!” Isabel clapped her hand together, facing the boys, “that was fun. Let’s get back to the picnic before our spot gets taken.”

The kids leisurely walked back through the forest to the lakefront, Ed and Isabel excitedly recounting their favorite moments from the battle to Isaac, their combined praise making him blush and stutter. Max stayed mostly silent, content to just enjoy the moment for what it was. There  _ was _ something nagging at him that he wanted to ask the others, however. As the lake came into view between the trees he stopped. 

“Hey guys,” he started. The three spectrals stopped and turned to him. 

“That song from earlier. What was it?” 

“Oh!” said Isaac. “I just thought it’d be fun, you know? Since we were fighting a shark spirit and all…. I mean it probably wasn’t necessary, and Mr. Spender wouldn’t have allowed it, but it was cool, right?” Ed laughed.

“Dude, it was amazing! Easily the best idea we’ve had all year.” 

Isabel answered Max with a role of her eyes at the two boys, “The song was Shark Fighter, by the Aquabats!, Max. You haven’t heard it before?” She questioned, surprised.

“I have now.” Max mumbled grumpily while continuing to the lake. Isaac, Isabel, and Ed followed behind him, oblivious to his soured mood. 

All he had wanted out of this weekend was to not have to deal with any life-threatening missions or have to hear about that stupid band. And yet he had been dragged to a club picnic at the lake and then on that picnic he had almost  _ died _ . Fighting a giant shark spirit monster thing! But the worst of it,  _ he thought _ , the worst of it was that they had defeated the spirit that had almost killed him while listening to a song by that  _ same stupid band _ . The band that he was very quickly learning to despise with all of his being. 

“I take it back,” Max said once they got back to their spot, everything still intact. “I wish that anchor had crushed me.” 

Ed, Isaac, and Isabel laughed.


	5. Interlude 1: Fashion Zombies!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interlude 1: Fashion Zombies!, or how Max discovers on a quiet walk to school that he may be in over his head
> 
> oh shit i havent updated this fic in literally a year lmao whoops ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ have some interludes while i work on finishing the main chapters

Max caught himself humming along again and quietly cursed to himself.

He had been trying, and failing, not to softly sing along to Isabel’s mp3 player for the last ten minutes. They were walking together to school, in perfectly breezy early October weather. Usually there was more than just the two of them- sometimes up to ten middle schoolers crowding the sidewalks and streets on their collective way to school- but today it was only Isabel and Max. With the occasional bothersome spirit, but that was normal.

It was nice, in a calm, quiet way. They chit-chatted as they walked, Isabel playing music for the both of them to hear on her tiny sticker-covered headphones when the conversation reached a pleasant lull. It was the most peaceful morning Max had had in awhile.

Except that she was only playing The Aquabats!.

Well.

He could deal with that, if only for his friend’s sake. No one could say he didn’t make sacrifices (enormous, gut-retching, crushing his psyche and will to live with every passing second _sacrifices_ ) for his friends.

But the fact that he couldn’t stop humming along was starting to annoy him. He prayed that Isabel hadn’t noticed. She probably couldn’t hear him considering the headphones around her neck making the music much louder in comparison to what he could hear, drowning out any other noise like his humming. At least he hoped so. It would completely tarnish his reputation and pride if it got out that he knew the words to an The Aquabats! song.

_Ha, tarnished_ , he thought, _nice metal pun, you doofus_.

Actually, now that he thought about it, how _did_ he know the lyrics to this song? Or the one before it? He was extremely careful not to listen to or be around when any music even somewhat related to the ska band was played, and at this point he was pretty good at recognizing their discography and related groups. He hadn’t unwittingly absorbed any knowledge about the music like melodies or lyrics, had he? No, he was too critical, too _cynical_ to unconsciously like the childish songs and superhero outfits and weird conflicting mythology.

Wait, that didn’t sound too good. That almost sounded kind of like the opposite of actively avoiding them. But he had to know his enemy though, had to understand them to be able to defeat them, right?

Right?

_Aha!_ , he thought triumphantly, maybe he didn’t actually know the words but _instead_ could just predict the melody, because, uh, it was so generic and predictable and stupid! That had to be it! Max smiled confidently to himself at this new revelation. He was just too smart sometimes, and honestly, way more mature than his peers. He had a distinct plate that was refined over years of listening to only the best, most cutting edge, most underground music one could find and his taste was just leagues above others his age. The Aquabats! were just. So _childish_. And _so_ , SO beneath him.

There was _no way_ his plan to avoid the band he hated had backfired in such an ironically subtle way. Max scoffed to himself at the mere idea of it. _No way_. He hated The Aquabats! and always would, until the end of time. Anyone with the tiniest bit of common sense or intelligence would too. It was just that apparently no one in Mayview had any.

Isabel was walking just slightly ahead of him, singing along faintly to her favorite songs and none the wiser to her companions’ thoughts, and kinda insulting, opinions on her music taste.

“These fashion zombies...” Isabel sang along.

“Won’t walk this world alone.” Max finished on autopilot as he meditated deeply on his hatred for this song, and all other songs by The Aquabats!.

He stopped walking, startled, horror creeping in as he realized what he’d unconsciously done.

Isabel looked over her shoulder at him, curious as to why he stopped, and he jogged the short distance between them before walking alongside her once again. The song faded out, and another one took its place.

He shivered, suddenly cold. Alarm grew on his face, hidden from his companion, as it dawned on him- he knew the words to this song too.

_Oh crud_ , Max thought.  



	6. Interlude 2: B.F.F.!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interlude 2: B.F.F.!, or how Max eavesdrops on some nerds and starts to realize he is indeed in way over his head
> 
> part 2 of the interlude saga. might write one more and post it sometime in the next week to conclude the interludes, and hopefully i'll have a regular, longer chapter out before june. enjoy and thanks for reading this dumb self-indulgent thing <3

“I’m just saying,” loudly stated that one very passionate and aggressive band geek that Max didn’t know the name of and wisely avoided, “Crash McLarson would crush the other Aquabats in a fight. Quite literally too. He’s obviously the most powerful member of the team.” He finished smugly.

Max huddled closer to his locker, trying to get it open as quickly as he could while not drawing attention to himself. The hallways were filled with kids frantically rushing to their next class, the second to last one of the day. The excitement that the school day was almost over was palpable in the air. It was a three day weekend and the weather promised to be sunny all weekend long- something he was (hesitantly) looking forward to. The band geeks clustered around the locker to his left and talking loudly about the ‘forbidden subject’ weren’t going to ruin this for him. His locker finally popped open with a Ding!. _Yes!_ He mentally cheered.

Now, if only he could find his Advanced Geography and Rock Cataloging notebook for his next class…

“Nuh-uh!” exclaimed another band geek, directly into Max’s eardrum and making him jump in pained surprise. “Even if he’s the strongest, Crash would _never_ fight his friends, no matter what!”  

_Yeah, duh_ , Max thought as he absently rubbed at his probably ruptured eardrum. He finally located his missing notebook, stuffed it in his bag and checked his hand for any sign of blood. _Crash is a stupid big ‘ol softy_. He shut his locker and fast walked to his class, skirting around the band geeks, grateful to get away from their unintentionally eavesdropped conversation. He make it to his seat with plenty of time to spare, without having to do any acrobatics or stunts this time.

He tiredly rested his head in his hand as he looked over the classroom, watching the rest of his classmates wander to their seats with little interest. It had been a long week, and an even longer week before that. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t had a day off since he first learned about The Aquabats!, almost two whole weeks ago. He’d give anything to go back to that innocent, pure, naive self he was before that fateful Thursday.

_‘Strongest Aquabat’ my butt_ , he thought, _as if. They’re all weak and lame._ He reached into his backpack for his notebook and something to write with. _Except maybe Eagle-Hawk-Man whatever; he has that cool electric guitar and magical bird thing. He could probably kick the other’s butts if he’d wanted to._

After he opened it to a fresh page he saw one of the band geeks that were huddled near his locker a few minutes ago come into the classroom and take her seat. He’d never noticed her before, and that was just as well. He didn’t care for most of the school, and stopped pretending to at this point.

But the sight of her reminded him of the conversation he unwillingly overheard at his locker just a few minutes ago, and he scowled down at his notebook grumpily.

Just two more classes, then school would be over and he could go home and not have to worry about homework, or spirits, or who the most overpowered character in the The Aquabats! mythos was.

His right eyelid twitched, and if the spirit in his tool granted him lazer vision he was sure he’d have burned deep, scorching, physical holes into his textbook to match the raging, explosive metaphorical ones he was creating in his mind. He stared at the textbook in front of him. Right now he needed to focus on class, so he could get a good grade, and eventually graduate, and then eventually move as far away from Mayview as physically possible.

He took a deep breathe and shakily let it out.

_It doesn’t even matter_ , he tried to convince himself, _it’s so stupid and lame. Way beneath me. I wouldn’t- I_ won’t _give it a second thought. The Aquabats! don’t deserve to be in my thoughts at all._

Max looked up at the front of the classroom, a little anxious to see that the teacher had already begun the day’s lecture without him noticing. Hurriedly he flipped to the correct page numbers in the textbook to follow along with the teacher, and then to the last page in his notebook where his notes left off. His notebook was littered with absentmindedly drawn doodles of little bats, guitars, and stick figures with oversized helmets and belts fighting little cartoon monsters.

Max sweated nervously when he recognized a few of the sketched designs.

“Oh crud,” he whispered.


End file.
